Wednesday, December 4, 2019

A week of bad.

I am bloated. I feel fat.  Blah.

I started my official "cheat day" the day before Thanksgiving. Then we had two Thanksgivings, my son's birthday dinner, and now I am on my way home from a work trip to Ohio with my husband- work for him, vacation for me. While we have been up here, I have done okay with my food intake during the day, but have blown my carb counts out of the water at dinner time.   So my cheat day turned into a cheat week!

So yeah, I have a wheat belly.  I  feel okay now though.  S.A.D has subsided some. Getting away from home was what my husband and I needed.  We needed time together and time away from our soul-sucking house. Now that he is on third shift, our time together is limited, and the time we do have... he is usually tired and grumpy.  We needed a few days of just us, to reconnect and to break the cycle we had going.

I have made a new commitment last week. I saw an ad for Chris Freytag's Get Healthy UTV.  It is a streaming and download service for workouts.  It also acts as a personal trainer, as there are a lot of downloadable calendars you can print off to keep track of where you need to be. You could try premium for a year for $3, so I did that.  Then they offered to upgrade me to Gold for $13? more.  So I did that. I am pretty excited.  Winter is hard for me. I HATE the cold air, and getting out to run is usually challenging. This way I can keep working on my goals without having to step outside. It also includes a facebook group that is supposed to be super supportive, so I can't wait to get started!

Tomorrow is back to keto and heavy detoxing...and work!  BLAH!

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Just SAD

I stood in the kitchen at 11:30 at night, and shook my fist in the air, "Take me now, God! I am ready.  I am so sick of this life. I am a failure.  I can't get anything done. I can't accomplish anything. I am worthless to you and to everyone here. Take me now and get someone else to write for you!!   I can not do it."

As soon as the thoughts ran through my head, I felt HIM come to me. I knew it was HIM because I immediately began to calm down, and I felt a small amount of the peace I had been missing in recent weeks.

HIS words danced across my heart and through my brain at once. I don't hear him speak to me audibly,  it's more of a knowing, a feeling that is translated in my heart and becomes words in my brain...

"I chose you and I do not make mistakes.  I chose you because you are strong, and you don't quit. You're not quitting now, my child. It's not in you.  You have been struggling.  Satan is fighting you hard, but that is because you are so close...  so very close to accomplishing what you want, what I want for you.  He is using others surrounding you to keep you from progressing, but don't falter. You have made so many strides, so much progress.  You are not going to quit. You have more work to do."

I wish I could say I was happy to hear this message in my heart, but I was not.  I felt chastised, embarrassed at my temper tantrum and at my selfish request. I felt a little mad that despite how miserable I have been feeling, I was gonna be left here to do all this crap alone.

I have been struggling.  Just a few weeks ago I was filled with joy and hope.  But then the skies darkened and the temperature dropped and my brain quit making enough serotonin to keep me from wanting to leave society and become a hermit. I know what this is. I have suffered from it before. It is the entire reason I began my last prescription of Zoloft many years back.   Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It is commonly referred to as the "winter blues." I have had it before, sometimes as early as September, but I do not remember suffering from it so violently as I have been this go around.

I thought I had it under control. The last few years I hadn't suffered from it at all. What had caused it to return with such a vengeance this year is beyond my understanding.

Things have been tough for the last few months. I had a family member have a serious illness. I have lost several pets. My husband and I have not been getting along at all. He returned to third shift which has caused his own set of problems, that directly affect me.  I am stretched thin.  My days are spent running errands, often making 3-4 trips to town every day.  I get up at 6:30 and don't make it back to sleep until 1 AM most nights. If I nap I am made to feel guilty.  I regularly feel unappreciated by everyone in my household. I can't keep up with the housework and am made to feel like I am worthless because of it.  I have to work too, some days I am substitute teaching at the local elementary schools...a job I love, but also an extremely stressful job. Add in my own money troubles, and it has already been a recipe for disaster even before the sun began to head towards the winter solstice.

I have hinted I need help catching up with things, but so far no one in my small circle seems to take the hint. So I feel incredibly alone a lot of the time because no one understands how I feel or what I am really going through. Some people don't seem to care at all that I am suffering and brush off the scary thoughts that sometimes run through my head.

You can't make people who have never experienced depression understand it. You literally are sad, FOR NO REASON.  It is different from being down in the dumps about a life event. When I am upset about something that has occurred in my life, I know the reason why I am feeling the way I am and I know that it will pass eventually. When you are depressed, there is no reason. I mean the things I complained about a few paragraphs ago are my life.  Most of the time I would get mad about them,  yell a little bit, shake them off,  and move on. However, now that I am depressed  I am just sad. Sometimes I am sad about these things but unlike usual, I can't shake the sadness, and a lot of the time, I am just sad for no apparent reason.

My sister, in her attempt to help, told me I should just choose joy.  I do. I really do try, but with depression, I could choose joy all day, every day, but I can't feel it.  My brain is all messed up from the lack of sunlight and all it wants me to feel is sadness. So despite jamming out to some Christmas carols,  watching sappy Hallmark movies, and watching an amazing sunset, my brain will not allow me to process that into joy. I'm still just sad, despite my best attempts to feel happiness.

I don't plan to rest on my laurels and just wait for this to get better on its own.   I am ordering me a full spectrum light to help with the lack of sunlight, and I am gonna force myself to get outside more despite the dreadfully cold weather.  I am gonna pray a lot because let's be honest...I need Jesus right now.

If you want to learn more about Seasonal Affective Disorder  follow this link:

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Amazon Deal of the Day!

Hypnoser Weighted Blanket

Hypnoser Weighted blanket. 50% off!!

Price after discount $79.99
25 pounds

FOLLOW THIS LINK: Save 50% on select product(s) with promo code 505NAHYF on

Here's another!!

Cooling Weighted Blanket, Bamboo, weighted with glass beads. 50% off!  15 pounds.

$45 after discount. Discount taken at checkout.
RATED: 4.7 out of 5 stars!

Save 50% on select product(s) with promo code 505N67F8 on

Weighted blankets are all the rage.  They help you sleep better, help with anxiety, and are just all-around awesome. I bought my father one for Christmas last year and he loves it!!  He doesn't sleep without it now.  Give one a try!!

Pulling the switcheroo

Since my last update, I have switched things up a little bit.

I quit WW and started Keto.  I am doing it right this time. I found an app that lets you pick your plan, and then all you have to do is log your food, and the weight comes off. I have been using the Lifesum app. It does cost to get your meal plan.  I chose to pay by the month. You take a quiz and it suggests a plan for you. It originally put me on the "Keto Burn" plan, but I wanted something a little less stringent, so I changed to the Keto Medium plan.  I can eat a few more carbs but stay in ketosis. Ketosis is the stage where your body burns fat for fuel instead of glucose. You have to stay under 50 carbs to stay in ketosis.

Truthfully, Keto is much easier than I thought it would be. I have done my research. I found recipes to help my cravings for some of my favorite foods.  I now bake keto-friendly bread, cookies, and even peanut butter pie!  This has been very important in my ability to stick to the diet.  Without my effort to have diverse foods to eat, I doubt I would be as motivated to stick to the diet, as I have.

The first week I lost 5 pounds on Keto. My weight loss has not been so stellar since then,  but I do see a difference in how I feel and look. I have more energy.  My acid reflux is gone. My RLS is gone. My insomnia is gone.  My belly is smaller.   I am starting to see a tiny hint of a waist.  I think my face looks smaller too. So even if the scale isn't moving as quickly as I am wanting it to, I am gonna keep going, because I can tell it's working.

I ran my longest distance on Monday.  I ran 4.82 miles.  It was the entire workout for the 5K to 10K running program on the Rundouble app. I was super happy with my effort. I am gonna get there. I just can not allow myself to quit.

Monday, November 11, 2019

Monday's Amazon Deal of the Day!

Today's Amazon deal of the day!

Leopard Patchwork Loose Tunic.  40% off!  Expires 11/13!!  The discount is taken off at checkout! Regular price: $18.99 The discount makes this item $11.39.

Click this Link:Save 40% on select product(s) with promo code 40VM519S on

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Amazon Deal of the Day

I am an Amazon affiliate, which means as a blogger, I have access to coupon codes to share with you, my audience.  These coupon codes will lead you to big savings on these products. Any proceeds I earn from any sales will go to support my blog!  I will begin posting these deals everyday!  Today I am going to start with 5 deals! Christmas is coming!!  Start saving on your Christmas list!!

DISCOUNTS ARE TAKEN AT CHECKOUT. The first price you will see is the original price. 

Dilanni Leggings with Pockets!  Multiple colors available!
Rated 4.4 out of 5 stars!
Save 30% on select product(s) with promo code 30UI84UH on

Kubua Men's/ Women's running shoes. 
Multiple colors and styles available! 57% OFF with the link below!
Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars!
Save 57% on select product(s) with promo code 57UOIBDV on

Luckymore Women's Sweatshirt. Multiple colors!
40% off! Only a few hours left on this one! Rating 3.6 out of 5 stars!
Save 40% on select product(s) with promo code 4036KD5H on

 Syma Drone with HD Camera- 80% off!!
 Rating: 4.4 out of 5 stars!
  Save 80% on select product(s) with promo code 80PVWF2G on

Thanks for checking these out!!  Come back tomorrow to see what products I have access to, to help you save!!

Bless you! Be kind!

A week of bad.

I am bloated. I feel fat.  Blah. I started my official "cheat day" the day before Thanksgiving. Then we had two Thanksgivings, m...