Sunday, August 4, 2019

The Green-eyed Monster

I just found out another one of my friends has had weight loss surgery. 

Normally, this bit of news would just hit me, and I would be happy for them, and move on.  I would genuinely be happy when I saw them dropping weight and getting smaller.

For some reason, my reaction was different this time. It just hit me the wrong way. I was JEALOUS.  Trust me, I know that weight loss surgery is not something that I should be jealous of. It is a super dangerous surgery,  the recovery isn't easy, and the diet that follows is depressingly bland.  I know these things; and yet here I am seeing green.

This Summer was supposed to be different. This was supposed to be the Summer I changed it all.  I started off empowered.  I wanted to lose this weight and come back for the new school year improved! I knew I could do it. I had reached my 20 pounds down benchmark and was chomping at the bit to lose more.    But then, I lost focus.  It rained for the first entire month of June and I didn't get out to run as much as I wanted to.  Then my nephew got mono. Guess who got it next? I spent most of July exhausted.  If I managed to work out then I had to sleep most of the rest of the day. I had been nauseous, with constant headaches, and body aches.  I just couldn't get it done.  On top of that, I have been inhaling comfort food. When you feel bad, for some reason you want bad food.  So already struggling to maintain my 20-pound weight loss, I gained.  I gained 9 pounds. I have re-lost 2 pounds this last week, how is the question...because I have not been doing well with watching what I eat or working out. However, I will take the loss and work to get another loss this week.

I still am not 100% well. This last week was awful. I slept a ton. I still have body aches.  I just want to feel better, because not only is my health suffering, so is my home, and my garden.

So when I heard my friend had gotten bariatric surgery, I was jealous. All I could see at that moment is that she would be dropping weight "effortlessly."  She would slim down and not have to run 3 miles- 3 times a week. She would lose weight without logging every bite she eats into an app.  She wouldn't have to sweat and occasionally cry or bleed.

The road I chose is tough.  I chose to fight this problem head-on and to keep fighting it for the rest of my life. I realize my friend is doing the same thing, but her path is different. She will achieve her goal weight probably before I get much of a dent in mine. Both of our paths are costing us something. Hers has cost her a ton of cash.  Mine costs me a ton of work. Hers means she will have to plan meals and watch what she eats for the rest of her life, mine means the same. 

Honestly, I don't want to have surgery.  If I never reach my goal weight but I keep running, that will be enough for me. 

Green-eyed monster Slain.

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