I lost 2 pounds last week. I do not celebrate this accomplishment, because it was a fluke. I did nothing to earn it. I floundered all week like a fish dying on the shore, ever in turmoil about my progress, always mad at myself because I could not get myself to move. I wanted to work out, but something within me kept me from doing so. I wanted to eat better, but for some reason, I couldn't make myself avoid the comfort foods. I had no motivation, and I felt something was holding me back.
I have to figure out what that "something" is. That "something" has been ruining my attempts to get my life back on track for years. That "Something" screws with me whenever I make a goal, whenever I attempt to do something to better myself. I have to figure this out, or this wave of motivation will be short-lived and I will be super-fat again by Christmas.
I went for a run yesterday. I was supposed to run 2.25 miles non-stop. It was so humid. I had to use my inhaler 3 times. I would like to say that was the reason I stopped right at the mile mark and walked a bit, but that would be a lie. The truth is I just wasn't mentally tough enough to run the entire distance. I know I can do it. My body knows I can do it, I just have to convince my mind. I wouldn't have gotten the entire 2.25 miles in though, even if I hadn't stopped to walk, as a storm moved in right around the 2-mile mark. So I ended up mostly running, but also walking a total of 1.98 miles. Not great, but certainly not too shabby.
Today was my first day back at work. I have stuck to my diet like a champ thus far. I avoided the teacher's lounge- there are always snacks in there, didn't focus on the food in the caf-as I had brought my lunch. I also walked a couple laps on the playground for extra movement. So far so good. I have my points added up for dinner and if I behave myself I might get to have a treat afterward.
It's the little things, y'all.
Highest weight: Super Fat
Current Weight: -16 from Super Fat
First Goal: -31 from Super Fat-"Just Fat"
Second Goal- Overweight
Third Goal: -20 pounds overweight
Final goal: What I weighed when I met my husband. A few pounds "overweight."